Price Tag
Make a Movie!
Evolution of Turkey World
Cycled Pixel Theory
Legend of Woolsey
What I Wrote Back Then
Henry Ernesto
The Best Emails
Mister Tister
How to Hack a Website
Compact Disc Hunt

Hacking 101

Perhaps it's destined to be on the internet until shuts down. Perhaps it'll disappear before my next website update. The it I'm writing about is.... KNIFESHOW! When Joe and I were working on Tapeworm (fetish) and Crazy T in 9th and 10th grade, we each had our own respective websites. Mine just so happened to be the same one you are on right now, but Joe's... KNIFESHOW! I earned a small reputation for making clever, humorous writings on my website (though compared to now, they were really flowery and pretty annoying), but Joe earned a reputation for making the weirdest, most random cartoons and vulgar articles possible.

That's not to say KNIFESHOW wasn't funny. There was actually a lot about it that was very much hilarious. For instance, he had an intentionally eye-painful background (blue circles on a pink backdrop) and the appearance of lack-of-organization. Perhaps that was unintentional, but it came across as an, "I really don't care if you like this," website. On top of that, his cartoons were downright bizarre:

Cartoon by Joe Worthen

Sometimes he would write some things on his site to intentionally piss off his friends who read it, like "Why Zelda is Better than Final Fantasy." (Now that I think of it, that's really not a big deal. We were stupid.) It was one such time when Joe wrote some Zelda fanfiction, perhaps partly to poke fun at my sister for writing Harry Potter fanfiction and partly to use some vulgar language on his site. I guess they were both justified:

TITLE: Erotic Zelda:The Wind Waker Fan Fiction

I was reading what appeared to be a poorly written final fantasy 7 fanfiction between Sephiroth and Aeris; when i realized, wow fan fiction makes me really hot and rowdy i need to make some myself. So i chose a game i never played: (Zelda the wind waker), And then i picked out the only two characters i knew: Link and The Boat. Then i wrote this little Doozy:

The sun was high in the sky and the ground was..... so hot. Link returned from the forest after killing and raping an entire moblin village in under 4 minutes. He was only getting started. He walked casually up to his boat. The boat said "Link you look so GOOD". Link equipped his Power Braclet to A and his Penis to B. The Boat Said "HOt damn im so horny" Then it opened it's cabin and a large wooden phallace emerged. Link snickered. "all aboard" the boat called sensually. Then Link proceeded to get on the poopdeck (pun intended). A wave of pleasure seeped through him and he began imagining it was Zelda instead of a boat he was having sex with, but it was hard to do because there was a wooden dick in his ass. Finally the boat erupted and Link shot into the air with his pants down, splinters all up in his ass, screaming in extacy. The boat was content. Link landed in the Hyrule market. Many an eye fell on links bruised, nakid, bleeding, groaning body. There was a massive orgy including a dog, a poe and one of those goron things.


After reading this (at least I believe it was this particular one), some other friends and I (Robert, Chad, and my sister Zoë) thought about how funny it would be if we got into Joe's website and changed something to see if he noticed. I had recently purchased Steal this Computer Book 2 by Wallace Wang, and Robert and I really thought the sections on hacking seemed interesting, especially the keylogging method.

Wikipedia say:

Keystroke logging (often called keylogging) is a diagnostic used in software development that captures the user's keystrokes. It can be useful to determine sources of error in computer systems. Such systems are also highly useful for law enforcement and espionage—for instance, providing a means to obtain passwords or encryption keys and thus bypassing other security measures. However, keyloggers are widely available on the internet and can be used by anyone for the same purposes.

Keystroke logging can be achieved by both hardware and software means. Commercially available systems include devices which are attached to the keyboard cable (and thus are instantly installable, but visible if the user makes a thorough inspection) and also devices which can be installed in keyboards (and are thus invisible, but require some basic knowledge of soldering to install). Writing software applications for keylogging is trivial, and like any computer program can be distributed as a trojan horse or as part of a virus or worm. It is also said that using an onscreen keyboard is a way to combat these, as it only requires clicks of the mouse. That is, however, false information, because a keyboard event message must be sent to the external target program to type text. Every software keylogger can log the text typed with an onscreen keyboard.

The book had come with a CD of tools, including a few freeware keyloggers.... Hmmm... what to do... what to do...

It's actually particularly awkward how we went about soliciting Joe's login information. I installed one of the keylogging programs onto my own computer, without telling Joe. Chad, Robert, Zoë, and myself were in the room very eager to get Joe's vital information. He no doubt was suspicious, but I tried to play it cool.

"Yo Joe," I said, "you wanna show me your 150m website making stuff?"

"Wha' da shit you wanna see dat fer?"

"Well, I was just curious as to how you make yer site, buddy... he he."

Luckily, Robert jumped in, "I'm looking for free web hosts and I want to see what 150m offers if you can show it to me really quick." (Phew, thanks Robert!)

Zoë and Chad remained quiet, but they sure enjoyed the way this was going. Cautiously, Joe made us look away so he could type in his password. We silently let out a "YEESS!" Our plan had worked, guaranteed. Robert didn't play the second half of the situation as well as the first, but he did seem pretty interested. Either way, we had his password... and his suspicions.

After Joe left my house that day, I opened up the keylog and found his password (NO IDEA what it was anymore) and gave it to Robert and Zoë. My reasoning was, "I don't really want Joe to guess it was me, so you guys do what you want." That night, Zoë called me to let me know she had placed a tremendous amount of gay porn on his site. It wasn't just regular gay porn however; Zoë had taken each image from his site and Photoshopped in vulgar images to enhance Joe's originals, such as nakid Alice in Wonderland where Joe had merely had a screenshot from the movie. Joe's hideous background was changed to some random gay porn image.

"What?!" It was funny, no lying here, but that wasn't exactly what I thought we were gonna do with his site. It was in action though, and backing out would be retarded. However hilarious it was, Robert had another idea for the site. He created a fake Christian Hacking Organization, found a church online, and tied the two together in graphics and text and made a page as though Joe's site had been hacked by this organization for its crudeness.

"Well," I figured, "I suppose that's better than the gay porn Zoë just stuck on there. Let's leave it and see."

The next day at school, either Joe noticed first or Robert asked him, "What happened to your site, Joe?" As expected, Joe accused me first. I was an easy target: I make websites, I did seem creepy when trying to solicit his password, and I DID convince him I could read floppy disks. I was the primary suspect. Honestly, I spoke, "Dude, didn't do a dern thing." No one else confessed either, and eventually Joe felt a great deal of pride in having pissed off such an organization...


It took Joe a while before he quit accusing me of "hacking" his website, but unfortunately by that time, he had put back up a skeleton of the original. I guess the attention, or the hassle of restoring all of the files to his site, forced the steam right out of his frail little body. KNIFESHOW was dead, and we had killed it.

Recently, I spoke to Chad about it and he said, "It was funny, but I wish he hadn't shut it down." I also spoke to Joe about the whole incident in order to get the cartoon and short story from him. He said he figured it was us all along, but like a true friend, he had trusted our lies. He also created what we shall term Joe's Note #2.

Joe's Note #1 - "This should be really dramatic."

Joe's Note #2 - "Whatever I wrote then is pretty stupid, and that's why I took it off of my website."