Perhaps it's destined to be on the internet until 150m.com
shuts down. Perhaps it'll disappear before my next website update. The
it I'm writing about is.... KNIFESHOW!
When Joe and I were working on Tapeworm
(fetish) and Crazy
T in 9th and 10th grade, we each had our own respective websites.
Mine just so happened to be the same one you are on right now, but Joe's...
KNIFESHOW! I earned a small reputation for making clever, humorous writings
on my website (though compared to now, they were really flowery and pretty
annoying), but Joe earned a reputation for making the weirdest, most random
cartoons and vulgar articles possible.
That's not to say KNIFESHOW wasn't funny. There was actually
a lot about it that was very much hilarious. For instance, he had an intentionally
eye-painful background (blue circles on a pink backdrop) and the appearance
of lack-of-organization. Perhaps that was unintentional, but it came across
as an, "I really don't care if you like this," website. On top
of that, his cartoons were downright bizarre:
Cartoon by Joe Worthen
Sometimes he would write some things on his site to intentionally
piss off his friends who read it, like "Why Zelda is Better than
Final Fantasy." (Now that I think of it, that's really not a big
deal. We were stupid.) It was one such time when Joe wrote some Zelda
fanfiction, perhaps partly to poke fun at my sister for writing Harry
Potter fanfiction and partly to use some vulgar language on his site.
I guess they were both justified:
|TITLE: Erotic Zelda:The
Wind Waker Fan Fiction
I was reading what appeared to be a
poorly written final fantasy 7 fanfiction between Sephiroth
and Aeris; when i realized, wow fan fiction makes me really
hot and rowdy i need to make some myself. So i chose a game
i never played: (Zelda the wind waker), And then i picked
out the only two characters i knew: Link and The Boat. Then
i wrote this little Doozy:
ORGASM IN HYRULE
The sun was high in the sky and the ground was..... so hot.
Link returned from the forest after killing and raping an
entire moblin village in under 4 minutes. He was only getting
started. He walked casually up to his boat. The boat said
"Link you look so GOOD". Link equipped his Power
Braclet to A and his Penis to B. The Boat Said "HOt damn
im so horny" Then it opened it's cabin and a large wooden
phallace emerged. Link snickered. "all aboard" the
boat called sensually. Then Link proceeded to get on the poopdeck
(pun intended). A wave of pleasure seeped through him and
he began imagining it was Zelda instead of a boat he was having
sex with, but it was hard to do because there was a wooden
dick in his ass. Finally the boat erupted and Link shot into
the air with his pants down, splinters all up in his ass,
screaming in extacy. The boat was content. Link landed in
the Hyrule market. Many an eye fell on links bruised, nakid,
bleeding, groaning body. There was a massive orgy including
a dog, a poe and one of those goron things.
After reading this (at least I believe it was this particular
one), some other friends and I (Robert, Chad, and my sister Zoë)
thought about how funny it would be if we got into Joe's website and changed
something to see if he noticed. I had recently purchased Steal
this Computer Book 2 by Wallace Wang, and Robert and I really thought
the sections on hacking seemed interesting, especially the keylogging
Keystroke logging (often called keylogging) is a
diagnostic used in software development that captures the user's
keystrokes. It can be useful to determine sources of error in computer
systems. Such systems are also highly useful for law enforcement
and espionagefor instance, providing a means to obtain passwords
or encryption keys and thus bypassing other security measures. However,
keyloggers are widely available on the internet and can be used
by anyone for the same purposes.
Keystroke logging can be achieved by both hardware and software
means. Commercially available systems include devices which are
attached to the keyboard cable (and thus are instantly installable,
but visible if the user makes a thorough inspection) and also devices
which can be installed in keyboards (and are thus invisible, but
require some basic knowledge of soldering to install). Writing software
applications for keylogging is trivial, and like any computer program
can be distributed as a trojan horse or as part of a virus or worm.
It is also said that using an onscreen keyboard is a way to combat
these, as it only requires clicks of the mouse. That is, however,
false information, because a keyboard event message must be sent
to the external target program to type text. Every software keylogger
can log the text typed with an onscreen keyboard.
The book had come with a CD of tools, including a few freeware
keyloggers.... Hmmm... what to do... what to do...
It's actually particularly awkward how we went about soliciting
Joe's login information. I installed one of the keylogging programs onto
my own computer, without telling Joe. Chad, Robert, Zoë, and myself
were in the room very eager to get Joe's vital information. He no doubt
was suspicious, but I tried to play it cool.
"Yo Joe," I said, "you wanna show me your
150m website making stuff?"
"Wha' da shit you wanna see dat fer?"
"Well, I was just curious as to how you make yer site,
buddy... he he."
Luckily, Robert jumped in, "I'm looking for free web
hosts and I want to see what 150m offers if you can show it to me really
quick." (Phew, thanks Robert!)
Zoë and Chad remained quiet, but they sure enjoyed
the way this was going. Cautiously, Joe made us look away so he could
type in his password. We silently let out a MovieTickets.com "YEESS!"
Our plan had worked, guaranteed. Robert didn't play the second half of
the situation as well as the first, but he did seem pretty interested.
Either way, we had his password... and his suspicions.
After Joe left my house that day, I opened up the keylog
and found his password (NO IDEA what it was anymore) and gave it to Robert
and Zoë. My reasoning was, "I don't really want Joe to guess
it was me, so you guys do what you want." That night, Zoë called
me to let me know she had placed a tremendous amount of gay porn on his
site. It wasn't just regular gay porn however; Zoë had taken each
image from his site and Photoshopped in vulgar images to enhance Joe's
originals, such as nakid Alice in Wonderland where Joe had merely
had a screenshot from the movie. Joe's hideous background was changed
to some random gay porn image.
"What?!" It was funny, no lying here, but that
wasn't exactly what I thought we were gonna do with his site. It was in
action though, and backing out would be retarded. However hilarious it
was, Robert had another idea for the site. He created a fake Christian
Hacking Organization, found a church online, and tied the two together
in graphics and text and made a page as though Joe's site had been hacked
by this organization for its crudeness.
"Well," I figured, "I suppose that's better
than the gay porn Zoë just stuck on there. Let's leave it and see."
The next day at school, either Joe noticed first or Robert
asked him, "What happened to your site, Joe?" As expected, Joe
accused me first. I was an easy target: I make websites, I did seem creepy
when trying to solicit his password, and I DID convince him I could read
floppy disks. I was the primary suspect. Honestly, I spoke, "Dude,
didn't do a dern thing." No one else confessed either, and eventually
Joe felt a great deal of pride in having pissed off such an organization...
It took Joe a while before he quit accusing me of "hacking"
his website, but unfortunately by that time, he had put back up a skeleton
of the original. I guess the attention, or the hassle of restoring all
of the files to his site, forced the steam right out of his frail little
body. KNIFESHOW was dead, and we had killed it.
Recently, I spoke to Chad about it and he said, "It
was funny, but I wish he hadn't shut it down." I also spoke to Joe
about the whole incident in order to get the cartoon and short story from
him. He said he figured it was us all along, but like a true friend, he
had trusted our lies. He also created what we shall term Joe's Note #2.
Joe's Note #1 - "This should
be really dramatic."
Joe's Note #2 - "Whatever
I wrote then is pretty stupid, and that's why I took it off of my website."