A Boy and A Dream
What is the most embarrassing moment of
your life? Okay, what about the most embarassing SECTION of your life?
You probably forgot what it really was, and you're settling for the
second best... Well, I'll never be able to forget what the most embarassing
period of my life was... Nor will you...
It was about September 15th, 1996. I had,
for some reason, just gotten into some weird science fiction head, and
I was GOING to make MY OWN SPACE MOVIE! I set to planning, I went everywhere
with my pen and paper, writing down the best ideas.
I procured a big posterboard and decorated
it with cutout stars, then got some thread and attached it to some Playmobil
figures I had. I took a Kleenex box and decorated it like a house
(an intricate part of the plot). I decided what music to use (Pink Floyd
and related only). I was READY TO FILM!!
My dad borrowed a camera from his office,
and I was the happiest little chubby kid on the block (also the only
happy little chubby kid on the block)! I gathered my mother and sister.
They were to be my crew! My sister ended up filming it, my mother watched...
I acted... or something like that... THIS MOVIE HAD NO SCRIPT, and unfortunately
the heat from the camera scared me and I kind of forgot what the plot
was. Therefore, this movie seems to have absolutely no plot.
It was supposed to be: I am in space,
I live there. There is a leader (presidential figure) that gives
me a mission. I am to look for the planet GOSSIP. Once I find it, I
would become the new leader... Unfortunately I am warped to Earth...
and that is the end... Now this plot sucks, but the resulting lack-of-plot
is worse... It is all improvisational and you can tell!
Well, back to where we began... If you're
ever feeling down or worthless, watch this movie. It is a cure for any
self-esteem problem imaginable. I'm serious... The only thing left for
you to do is to watch the movie... And... READ THE SCRIPT! I've decided
to decipher all that is said in this movie, and write out the script
so you may REALLY believe what you are hearing!
home) Don't you like my pretty house? It has all these weird
statues and stuff. Here's my spaceship, isn't it cool? And... ALSO,
I have these cool gears over here. Well, sometimes they turn, sometimes
they don't, I never know whenever when they are. WATCH 'EM GO! Whaddya'
know, it's that time of day again... I have to go see my leader! (now
floating in space) Where is he? I can't find it! Oh gosh,
I can't even see....Oh, WHHEEERRE is that leader, he's always LATE!
Oh Gah Lee!
in) yaOOOOHHH I'm HERE now! (whoah)
I need you to go off in space and LOOK FOR THE PLANET GOSSIP!
(whoah help me)
Alex: Okay, don't
worry (shortly after, a massive hand flies
down the right of the screen... hmm.... Then, after some whispers, ALEX
is in his spaceship... obviously flying through the fuel of a human
arm) Haaaaoooww... I wonder when I'll find it (the
planet, paper, then comes into view, falls over, then passes the ship)
Oh there it goes! I have ta' fin... I have ta' go in search of it (there
is an attack of massive arms on screen, while ALEX is landing on the
planet, but misses) Oh great, I passed it again.. Uh oh (he
is in some forcefield) oh, oh... WHAAAWWW!!!! (This
is followed by a long sequence of ALEX flying around in space moaning,
hitting the camera lens frequently) Whoah! Where am I going?
Babysitter in Space:
Gosh! Why's that John Michael always like that? (the
Kleenex house falls on her, she is dead... "uh oh")
John Michael: (voice
of Gumby surprisingly) Where's that babysitter? Gosh she's
always off into trouble. Believe ME.. I'm kinda' like the babysitter
around here. Gosh! This dimension's weirder tha... It's different than
that other one that three-dimensional world I think.. This is a DIFFERENT
kinda'... d..i..m...e..n..s..i..o..n... Unexplainable
Alex: I feel like
I'm in another dimension.. I dimension of sight and OH GOSH not the
twilight zone, believe me THAT'S STUPID!
John Michael: Hey
you look just like me!
Alex: WELL I'M NOT!!!
John Michael: What's
Alex: My name's Alex.
John Michael: My name's
Alex: OKAY! Alex and
John Michael and we just don't have the same color shirt or pants...
Now isn't that... a DANDY
John Michael: What
dimension am I in?
Alex: You're in the
dimension of me.
John Michael: MEE!
I've never heard of that dimension! Kind of weird.. WHAAAAAOOH!
Narrator: At Gossip...
Chris: Hey, my name's
Chris... and I LIKE RAP... oh, nevermind. I don't like rap really. Um,
who cares about music right now (hard-pressed for dialogue, I spot the shadow of Chris on the posterboard)
I can't even see a camera. OH, LOOK THERE'S A SHADOW OF ME IN THE DISTANCE!!
hahaha. I'm kind of lonely. Don't you think you would be in space alone?
Alex: Yeah, I do
Chris: Hey, how'd
you hear me?
Alex: I've been twirling
around in space all of this time
Chris: Well, why
Alex: Because this
guy's MAKING ME (oh, there was a puppeteer?)
uh.. uh oh... oh, oh, oh, ohaaaaaaehooowehwhah
(big sound, now suddenly Alex is on a bed)
I don't feel so good. Whoah, not very good (a
flash of light, and suddenly Alex is a human on the bed)
GOSH I'M A LOT BIGGER! Oh gosh, cha... Clothes change through time don't
they. What's this stuff? Let's see... What over here is this? (picks
up a guitar and puts it on his head, like a hat) Gosh, there's
some mighty weird hats on this place! Oh... Excuse me, do you know where
Voice: Planet Earth
Alex: Earth, Earth.
Oh I see that far third thing from the Sun. Yeah, that thing
(mouths for the camera to stop, then suddenly there is some music)
Let's see, oh cool this song's called Third Stone from the Sun, how
appropriate isn't it???!! haha (dances with
guitar a little) THE END!
And, fortunately for all, that is the end...
I have nothing more to say except I'm sorry...
...is what I'd like to say, but recently I discovered
a paper I wrote about a month later in my fourth grade class, and
it is VERY related...
What I find so strange is that I seem to have The Twilight
Zone stuck in my head, though in the movie I say "Oh not the Twilight
Zone, believe me that's stupid." And in this story, it is great...
What-the-hell-ever, Alex, what-the-hell-ever...